Merry Fuckmasss

Bit of Santa BANTER


"The reason for the season is Jesus, not MDMA blud"

Lost forever in translation...

Chapter 1:

did steam train hit chunfer station after ur frothy revs cocktail butt n our shotties!? LOL!gd nite eh buttt!u know tht barman was lik we havnt got any pineapple glasses, for my cocktail, n we wer lik wtf is tht lol, welllll i went downstairs to the bar later on n found out, an actual glass shaped like a pineapple with lik a leafy lid n lil hole for straw, was the highlight of my nite butt!hahaxx

Chapter 2:

haha aww ye ye , by accident, tht old chestnut eh!:p haha thot u wud after the froth, yuck lol aw butt the glass was amazing, duno y i didnt take it with me as souvenir, gt pics so wen i put em up hav look, made my nit it did haha aw well not too abd actually, dragged annie to chippy lane wen revs closed as i was gagging for sum gracy cheese chips n a jumbo susage in batter, my drunken feast lol, so tht eased any rumble in the jungles i think tbh, but pricye was feelin it thismorn after gettin evryone the shotsticks in lol! havin nemore nites out fbre u head home nw butt? we doin business nite out tomoz, rechargin the batteries today now for it as im bludy shattered as bin one manci wk!!lolxxx

Da Vinci CUNT: 2011 brought to you by the illiterate Dan Brown's ASS.

Republic? Cunt-up-lick!

ELBOW filled in a job application form for Republic...

How would your best friend describe you?
Positive, energetic and sarcastic with humorous banter.

Why should we employ you?
I like to look alternative and wear leather jackets and converse trainers. I believe a good customer experience is generated from being positive, helpful and friendly without being overbearing and pushy.

Why fashion?
Fashion creates landfill and makes people feel inferior. However, it can also make people feel good about themselves while creating an industry which in turn creates jobs and tax for the government.

Why Republic?
I have two SoulCal hoodies which have lasted nearly two years. This is an impressive feat for any item of clothing, especially a hoody. I would like to give something back to Republic for the service these hoodies have given me.

What were your first impressions of Republic?
My first impressions of Republic were the same as any chain fashion store. Clean and sterile. But the hard wearing nature of the hoodies sold by the republic chain has changed my mind. I now believe Republic are at the forefront of sustainable fashion, which is a noble aim and something I would rightly applaud.

NOT a Republic-AN!

Pitchfork Polemic.

Pitchfork Paris music festival was SHIT!

I know we're going crazy but we need BOOSH now!

Entente Cordial

What with this furore around Gadaffi, who was exclusively revealed as the manager of the new music alliance between our favourite politicans, the planned album and tour have stalled. However, we can reveal that the group have decided to call themselves 'Entente Cordiale'.

The band have had to postpone a tour and album release because, in his own words, Blair explained, "I've got this little mess to clear up in the Middle East as UN Envoy. Cherie isn't happy, I'm not happy, but these blasted Israelis and Palestinians keep throwing bombs around like little Ewan does when shouting pro-Cameron soundbites at Cherie in the morning". Sounds intense.

However, FUCKGEIST can exclusively reveal (in more ways than one), the new cover for the forthcoming album. Gordon Brown explained the reasoning behind the decision to have Clinton and Al Gore in skimpy costumes: "Well, I think of it (weird breath in) as Bill has a strong sexual appeal that is better than a poster girl (weird breath in), and Al Gore shows that as a group we are very hypocritical".

More news soon, folks.....

Royal Marine Exercise in Lympstone Village

Setting the scene: Near to a village in East Devon, called Lympstone, there is a Royal Marines Commando "Training" Centre. Each year, the marines take over the village, and this culminates in the new officers that are 'passing out' (no, not after a night at QCLUB) apprehending 'criminals' from one of the local pubs. Obviously this attracts quite a few locals, and these are actively encouraged to resist this arrest. They are given a talk half an hour before the 'arrest', and even told a safety word, in this case 'VIKING', in case they need to call things to a halt.

FLATLINE was part of this 'resistance', and as much fun as it may have been getting to call marines 'cunts' and pushing them around causing a fuss, it painted a real, true and quite saddening image of what people from our country do in the name of the government. Just from a practice exercise, FLATLINE has a bruise. Weak man.

Just imagine this happening in a village in a remote part of Afghanistan, or Iraq, or anywhere that our supposed government has invaded. The 'media' wonders why people "representing" our "country" (the interests of Multi National Companies) are met with such hatred. Because they act like total badmen, AND they believe they are working for some sort of 'good cause'.

McJob........McCunt?

Graduate career advice. Check out Douglas Coupland. He explains your current situation. Generation X/Generation A. He understands.
Scenario A: Get a high-pressure job that provides MONEY at the expense of a life - be unhappy
Scenario B: Get an unskilled, low pressure job; understand why you are doing it = have the freedom to have a "fun" life, but have no working dignity.
Scenario C: Kill yourself.

Average mindset of a human when confronted with these scenarios:
A. No! B. A. B. Oh fuck it...C....Goodbye!

OR....Get a transit van. Be Men with Ven. You will always find a job ripping off old ladies.